I had a Dream..

assalamualaikum...Just came back from the clinic to take some tests..Hopefully semua turns out ok.I had lost 4 kgs in 14 days..Never in my life..pecah rekod,ok...yelah dulu Hidup ala-ala untuk makan,now had to force myself to eat just to get up..just to live..sadis....Nothing seems to excite me anymore..no food can comfort me anymore....

I missed him..missed him so much...The other day I prayed to Allah that I wanna meet him in my dream..as I missed him too much...Alhamdulillah,my doa was granted..I dreamed of him 2 nights ago..This time same scene,he was feeling dizzy,but by the time the paramedic arrived,he's still breathing and they managed to save him..Then I terjaga at 3am feeling very weak with a chest pain...Dreaming about him making me sick..I really should avoid thinking of him as everytime I think of him,I felt like a very sharp pain in my heart and I ended up kena panick attack or chest pain...Aduhai....

The Dr told me today,the pain,sadness and stress will go away usually after 3 months..WHAT??Its only 17 days and I dah rasa cam nak mati...another 2.5 mths to go??? Oh my,this is a death sentence for me..Allah,please have some mercy for me...This torture and pain is unbearable...

I'm thinkin bout my future..I need to finish my study,I need to go on with my life..but its not getting easier....I want him..I want him now...I'll give anything to have him back..but I know its impossible..Its painful when you know nothing you can do to make things better..to bring him back to life...That hurts the most.......:(