Its all Fated

assalamualaikum..Salam Jumaat my dear readers..Hope semua ok and dah ready for the weekends yer..Me too..I'm so tired this week...But I love my job..:) And I'm so looking forward for mommy-daughter outing this weekend dengan Kyra nak tengok Transformer..Jangan haku nangis dahla tengok citer action..Bukan apa,its my other half's fav movie and previous film semua I watched with him..This is the 1st time we're going to watch without him..iskh,Twilight lagie nanti,Harry Potter lagie..adoi,sadisnya hidupku,tuhan..

What I wanna share with you today is about apa yang dah ditakdirkan untuk kita..Sometimes mulut kita memang sangat capoi-kata oghang Peghelis,maknanya mulut cabul la,takdak insurans in other words..Kita manusia nie suka sangat judge orang kan..and suka sangat too sure dengan apa yang kita cakap..Kita lupa yang apa saja plan kita tuh kalau tak di approved oleh yang kat atas sana tuh,semuanya jadik tunggang langgang..

Nak contoh?macam haku kata 13 tahun lepas la,dengan konfiden nya.."Aku kalau nak cari laki,aku takkan kawen dengan smokers" Tu dia statement berani mati wei..Tup tup,padan muka aku,fall in love dengan smoker tegar! Kan dah kena! Melawan takdir tuhan sungguh kan..Yakin boleh sangat aku nie pon...Last2 kena cash dengan tuhan..Cakap tuh tak kaver2 dah..Padahal ada yang lebih besar atas tu yang dah plan segala bagai untuk haku.

Contoh kedua,ada kawan aku kata "Aku tak paham apsal orang suka rampas laki orang,nak jadi 2nd,3rd or 4th wife,kalau aku,aku taknak kongsi,Jangan harap aku kawen laki orang"..Ha,nie lagi satu,tup tup,jatuh cinta dengan laki orang wei..Tulah,jangan yakin boleh sangat macam aku,nanti kata-kata tuh makan diri sendiri..

Macam laki aku cakap kat haku,dulu kat kampung dia memang jahat..macam seth tan.. Opss..silaps,setan..muahahahaha..Kang haku kena sembur dengan peminat seth pulak..Relax,aku minat seth wei..:P..Ok,sambung..Laki aku cakap,orang-orang tua kat taman dia selalu mengutuk laki aku and the geng pasal diorang selalu pedeghaih(lumba) motor la kat pekan tuh,pastu suka melepak kat stall burger kat simpang taman..Kira mak bapak orang lain pandang depa nie macam budak jahat and mengata depa nie takda masa depan la banding dengan anak-anak diorang tuh..Last2 semua geng2 laki haku berjaya,termasuklah laki haku and anak-anak depa ada yang masuk Pusat dadah la,buat menda-menda pelikla...Macam-macamla..So,takyahlah mengata orang itu ini,sebab ke depan-depan kita takkan tau..

Takyah mengutuk anak orang kalau anak dia jadi bini no 2,3 atau ,sebab nanti tuhan balas anak kita jadi bini no 4..Takyah nak menghina kawan kita kalau dia jatuh cinta dengan laki orang sebab mana tau nanti kita pon sama..Tak payah nak konfident sangat kita akan kawen dengan bf kita sekarang sebab Allah boleh ubah hati dia atau kita sekelip mata jek bila Dia kata Kun Fayakun..

Kesimpulannya,takyah plan apa-apa lah..sebab Allah tuh Maha mengetahui..dan dia dah plan dah untuk kita..Kita nie,redha ajelah and cakap alhamdulillah.Apa yang kita tak tahu,tak payah cakap,ajal,maut,jodoh pertemuan di tangan tuhan..Just doa yang baik-baik ajalah..dan dijauhkan dari bala dan kejahatan makhluk Allah udahla...

Wei,tetiba aku jadi takut nak cakap aku tak nak  kawen and tak nak kawan dengan laki orang..erkkk!! (Ya Allah,Lindungi aku...)

Mood camwhoring tetiba datang..erkk..staff aku ingat aku umur 26 tahun?Boleh pakai tak?Hahahahaha..:P

Go Away....

assalamualaikum.....I was so exhausted today...then tetiba tadi just after Maghrib,kepala panas..sah..datang sekali dengan pakej lengkap migraine...Took pain killer and alhamdulillah I'm better sikit..

Janganla sakit sebab I need to take care of Kyra,nak kene gosok baju sekolah,prepare breakfast,bekal,tengok homework,ajar mengaji...almost all lah..So,i can't afford to get sick..Lagi satu,rasanya yang tetiba demam nie pasal insiden menangis gila2 semalam dengan dia..

I just can't get over yesterday.....Pity my daughter..Harap2 dia mimpi la abah dia so kurang sikit rindu dendam dalam hati dia..If you ask me how did I take it?Terribly...pandai aja I sabarkan anak I semalam..padahal,I yang teruk..:(

Tadi tengok Nora Elena..ada petikan nie "Kita perempuan kalau nak cari suami,biar yang betul-betul sayangkan kita,bukan yang kita sayangkan dia lebih dari dia sayangkan kita"..Hmm..have to agree to that..

Go away fever..go away emptiness,go away pain...I just want him now..to put koolfever patch on my forehead..make me hot milo..put oinment on my feet to keep me warm and sing me lullaby so that I can go to sleep...But he will never come back......just in my dreams,perhaps?

I missed you darling...so damn much...so damn much...I guess you missed us so damn much to,huh?

I want nobody nobody but you :(

"Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."

I'm No Superwomen

assalamualaikum....I'm sorry this gonna be a super short entry...To my readers yang beragama islam,ada few days lagi untuk puasa sunar Rejab yer sayang2 sekalian..So,take this opportunity kerana Bulan Rejab adalah bulan Allah...

Can't write long...tersangat sedih malam nie..I was browsing through my FB masa Kyra solat isya'...Then lepas solat,its her routine sedekah fatihah and doa for her abah..but tonight I terperasan its longer than the usual one..Then..bunyi sok sek sok sek..I called her softly..She was crying..makin lama makin kuat...I dah bergenang dah...Macam dah agak whats on her mind..

I called her...she then ran to me and put her face on my lap and cry like mad.."I missed abah so much"....Oh Tuhan,here we go again....:( I can count how many times she cried since her dad passed away...In this 6 months,just 3,4 times aja..so,kalau dia menangis,memang dia dah tak tahan sangatlah tu...

Bila dia jadi emo,serta merta,mama jadi double emo..Both of us..cry like mad..hugging each other..Serious rasa macam nak hantuk kepala kat dinding..rasa macam nak cakap kat Allah take me instead,so that my anak wont suffer like this..But she can't live without me anyway..:(

ya Allah,this pain is so unbearable...Bila Kyra jadi gitu,i akan balik to square one...kesian Kyra...I can feel her pain,her misery...Loosing her dad pada usia yang sangat mentah is a challenge for her...And she was being strong for me all this while...But,she just give in today..mesti dah berat sangat derita dalam dada dia yang dia dah tak mampu nak hold...

Duhai anak...tenanglah sayang...Mama pun sayang abah...sangat-sangat..Tak pernah sehari pun berlalu Mama tak ingatkan abah..13 tahun mama dengan abah...Pedih mama,Allah aja yang tahu....My 1st love....berakhir macam ni...No one will understand our pain,adik..Just us...Sebab abah tu abah terbaik buat adik dan suami terbaik buat mama..

My darling husband,we are sorry that we cried over you..We know you won't like it..But we just can't hold our pain anymore...The tears we cried helped us to lighten the burden..just for a lil while...Please wait for us...May us be together for eternally..You,Me and Kyra...

The Love of My Life...Their closeness...I just can't go on anymore :(

"Pleasure of Love Last But a moment,but the Pain of love lasts a lifetime"

Jom Main Kaler-Kaler..

assalamualaikum...Happy Monday pumpkin! Today I ada exam..takottt.....but malas nak stresskan myself..kalau dulu boleh tak tido malam I...But someone I loved pernah cakap kalau I risau ke,tak tido pon,kalau takleh jawap,takleh jawab jugaks..so,baiklah I tido..Gila sempoi,kan?

So,now,kita take life easy aja...Tak lepas,repeat..apa susah..:P..Kalau stress,blood pressure haku naik,sapa pulak nak jaga anak haku kalau aku sakit kan...

Ok,jom la kita main kaler-kaler....syok tau..bukan kaler Luna anak korang tuh..or kaler krayon Buncho or kaler poster kaler..tapi kaler nie :-

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My newest addition to my make-up kit..cheh,macam bagus-bagus pulak siap ada kit bagai...more tu my humble and small make up pouch...Ok,I actually NEVER tried anything other than MAC and Estee Lauder...Nie I cerita hal make-up I je pun,jangan pulak ada mulut-mulut puaka kata I nak menunjuk ke sebab pakai Mac dengan EL..Nie nak share hal make-up jer kot..takyahlah nak exaggerate..

I wanna share pon sebab nak bagi korang jadi pengguna berhemah..beli barang quality with low price..Ok,balik cerita Mac dgn Estee Lauder..I love them to bits but kalau beli those eye shadows I'll ended up dapat 2,3 kaler jek kot..yelah..arituh I tanya Mac,4 colours plate tuh RM200++ kot..gilos...Kalau haku cap duit boleyla...Estee Lauder lagi haru,yang ada 2 colours jek RM120++ kot aku beli..So,I made up my mind,I need to scout for others..

Nak dijadikan cerita, I tag along masa my Mom beli her stuffs kat Elianto....So....sambil lepak-lepak tuh,tangan nie gatal la conteng-conteng mata..dengan tester..Menda free wei,time nie la nak experiment..bukan kena bayar pon! Conteng punya conteng,dah siap,bila tgk cermin,cun pulak..Bukan I..my eyes la...Kang korang kata aku perasan...:P

Ok,so,bila tgk kaler dia cam menarik,I pon saja la nak browse the pricing..Gila punya murah! Dahla murah,siap ada diskaun 50% lagie...Erkk..akak terus tertewas dengan napsu ganas ku....Terus grab bukan 1,bukan 3,bukan jugak 6...TAPI 8,deknon....Ok,I bought 8 combination of colours with the pallette..and guess how much?

Kalau beli kat MAC tetap dah kena RM400++,Estee Lauder pon..

tapi,kat Elianto,cuma...

cuma...

cuma....

Teka wei...

RM100 for 8 colours?

Salah..

Salah....

Just...

RM68 wei!

Gila tak?8 colours,pallette...plus eye shadow brush...

I'm a happy woman!

I'm Back..Baca dengan Nada Mr Terminator,hokey!

assalamualaikum orang-orang cantik semua...Hope semua berada dalam rahmat Allah today yer..Alhamdulillah..I'm back...Harap takda yang menyampah dengan Meen..dalam hati,iskh,minah nie lagie..:P Kotla kan..hati korang meen tak tau...:)

Alhamdulillah,this few days I did a lot of thinking..looking back and mirror myself..muhasabah diri...I was quite surprise that I can actually lived without my FB..Pftt..padahal dulu,5 tahun lepas takde pon FB nie,sihat walafiat jek haku..tak mati pon takde FB..I thought I was a FB addict,rupa-rupanya tak..Yeay,Berjaya tu! But I had to check my emails la kan..kotla ada benda penting yang need my urgent attention ke cemana.

I learned a lot of things this few days..pasal kehidupan..pasal manusia..pasal persahabatan..pasal tanggungjawab..relationship...so,I wanna share some of those with you..

1 .Allah SWT berfirman dalam surat Al-Insyirah 5-6 : “karena sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan, sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan.”

Very true..I can say that I experienced 2 things yang sangat pedih untuk di swallow..The 2nd one tuh not as bad as loosing my other half la..But still..perit jugak nak ditanggung..and tumpah jugaklah air mata seorang Meen..Cheh,nothing new kan..But Alhamdulillah,Allah bagi peluang dan rezeki for me after those 2 events..yang tak disangka-sangka..yang menenangkan jiwa I..and insy will make me a better person and servant to Him....

2 .“Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui.” (Al-Baqarah: 216)

Sangat true..kadang-kadang benda yang kita nak sangat tu boleh jadi tak baik untuk kita.Sebagai contoh,kau suka orang nie,kau rasa dia bagus serba-serbi dan dia menepati spesifikasi kau la untuk berkawan atau berkahwin..Tapi sebenarnya Allah je tau dia baik ke tak untuk kau.So,kalau korang ditakdirkan putus sahabat atau berpisah,maybe itu sebaik-baik benda untuk kau walaupun pedih,tapi hikmahnya akan kau nampak jugak one fine day...Jangan buruk sangka padaNya...Dia lebih tau apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya..

Lagi satu,kadang kita benci atau tak suka akan sesuatu tu,be it our job ke,our house ke,our friend ke atau ada jek mamat-mamat muka tak hensem or aweks yang tak berapa nak cun yang minat kat kita.Tapi sebenarnya benda tu baik untuk kita.Meaning maybe physically dia kureng,tapi dia ikhlas kot sayangkan kau.Ada jek mamat puaka yang perasan dia kacak,pakai keta menjalar-jalar,income puluh-puluh ribu tapi hati macam setan.Depan cakap lain,belakang cakap lain..Hipokrit..Jantan macam nie selalu rasa semua pompuan kat dunia nie tergila-gila kot kat dia..Nauzubillah..

Or kalau kau benci boss kau ke..and dah tak larat nak tengok muka dia kat office..tapi sebenarnya dia sayangkan kau,sebab tuh dia tegur and marah-marah kau kan..untuk kebaikan kau jugak..So,kena muhasabah diri..Kalau ada benda yang kita nak tak dapat,maybe tu yang terbaik untuk kita..So,please be thankful..

Apa yang jadi pada I, I jadikan pengajaran...I'm an imperfect human being yang sangat banyak flaws..Mungkin bila haku share benda dengan readers blog aku,ada yang ingat aku suka menunjuk..Bila haku share feelings sedih,kecewa aku kat blog nie,ada yang cop aku nie mengada nak mampos.Tapi memang kot tuh kelemahan aku..Mungkin aku dah terbiasa ada suami,13 tahun wei aku hidup dengan dia,bukan setahun ke,4 tahun ke...Mungkin bila husband kau passed away,kau nangis 2 bulan jek,kau tengok aku after 6 mths tak moved on pon kau akan cakap,eleh minah nie,pehal,meleleh-leleh,lembik gila,6 bulan tuh lama sangat dah,get the hell up and move on la,tengok macam aku,2 bulan jek dah tak sedih...maybe aku sayang gila kat dia kot....sebab tuh aku tak move on.

Ok,habis part luahan hati..lepas nie aku taknak tulis lagi menda-menda yang downkan haku..Kalau korang sayang aku,bacalah blog aku,kalau meluat,sila tutup mata..Tu jer aku boleh nasihat...

Ok,aku nak share benda yang best nie...Hahahaha,gelak evil dulu..Kan ke aku tengah ajar Kyra Bahasa Melayu now nie...Korang tau apa minah tuh buat ayat?

"Mayat mangsa kebakaran tersebut garing.....Hahahahaha...garing yer nak?Macam kuih donut ker? Rentung,la sayang..Anak aku memang kelakar...Buat aku hilang stress!

KORANG MEMANG DA BOMB SEBAB STILL SUPPORT AKU..HUGS~

This is It...

assalamualaikum......Today is the day..I'm gonna do something that I might enjoy..so,please pray for me that I'm gonna sail thru kay.This is just gonna be a short update..and I might not  write for a while..Not because I'm sick and tired..but because I feel hurt that my writing was misunderstood by others..

This is my personal blog,I write in here as a remembrance of any event and my moments.But I never thought those who close to me chose to read and not ask me first.Now,dah jadi satu misunderstanding yang maha hebat and dah drag jadi a big personal attack.

I'm so sad...so sad..by this..but I think semua yang jadi pun ada hikmah disebaliknya.Maybe kita tak nampak semua tu sebelum nie..and hanya nampak true colours certain person bila dia rasa tercabar atau marah.Akan keluarlah segala macam perasaan tak puas hati dan cerita-cerita kita dalam lipatan sejarah dia.

I choose not to reply back,maybe I can if I want too.But this is not my fight.Kat mahkamah dunia nie you can loose anytime..people dah pass judgement even before they know the real truth pun.

Truthfully,never thought all of those gonna come out from you..someone that I respect all this while,someone that I look up too..someone that I always praise of being a very smart woman to everyone.But its ok,you have your reason.

this is the last post I'm gonna talk about this.The purpose I'm writing this is I wanna say thank you to my readers out there yang selalu give me moral support,nak sebut ramai sangat..tapi I owe you guys an appreciation note.

My late husband selalu cakap,"Meen,kawan sejati bukan semestinya selalu jumpa,kadang jumpa setahun sekali aja,tapi bila kita susah,dia akan jadi orang pertama yang datang dan dia tahu baik buruk kita and never leave us no matter what".Now I know what he meant.

I learn my lesson the hard way,tapi tak apalah,I'm still alive...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.I'm done trying to make things right.Its better to just give in.I was the wrong one,I always pretend I'm the best,I'm always right and I see everyone else as wrong and looser and I'm a big fat liar.Its easier that way huh,then trying to tell people I'm not.With this confession,I hope ALL of you are satisfied.You WIN this fight.Clap2.

To everyone else out there,I'm sorry I'm gonna have to stop writing for a while..I'm gonna take a break from FB for a while..Not to worry about me..I'm ok..Not because I'm scared of anyone or what,but simply because I wanna heal from all this.Thank you Allah for this test you give me..one after another..I guess you love me that much,huh..InsyaAllah,I'll come back as a better person..a better servant...I'm gonna see you guys..very soon...Do catch up yeah..

Alhamdulillah...Things are better left Unsaid..

assalamualaikum...its a brand new day today..had frozen yoghurt with one of my old friend...gila lama tak jumpa,since habis sekolah kot..She's doing well,almost finish her PHD..I envy her..so young tapi dah nak ada PHD..me?with my situation now,10 tahun lagie pon belom tentu dapat...:P

I was surprised actually that when I opened my FB where some people 'talked' about my blog..but not in a way I would want to.Remember the post about I don't give a damn bout what people think about me that I can't move on?Apparently,some people misunderstood that post was dedicated to them.

Let me tell you,the day before the post was up,ada hamba Allah telah chat dengan saya in FB,old school friend yang tak rapat langsung,kira jumpa hai-hai jek kat sekolah.Actually banyak kali dah she gave rude comment pasal my statuses and my pictures in FB tapi I let it be..Then,she made a remark about me and Kyra la thru that chat,tak payahla I disclose,tapi sangat pedih..so,tuh yang menyebabkan keluar that post..yelah,kau tak jumpa aku berbelas tahun,kau nak judge aku and make assumption about aku.Apa dosa aku kat kau?Plus you were never there pon when I'm in pain..Betullah,she was never there pon,tak pernah jumpa sejak habis sekolah,then cakap macam-macam kat I pasal life and how to deal with loss pulak.

Unfortunately,some of the people I'm close with sudah ingat it was about them.When its not at all..You were there when I needed you...you spend your precious time with me..you even called me from Malaysia when I lost my other half..takkanlah you can think that the post is about you..and what we discussed over dinner tuh I truly understood its for my own good and I did whats necessary..

I'm sorry if you guys feel that way..saying that I publicly being hypocrite..sebab it was never about you guys pun..Its ok if you wanna talk about my past pun..Its not a fairytale and I'm not proud of it pun..

I just wanna say that..I still assume you guys as my friend..i know each one of your weaknesses and flaws..and what you did and in your past..But we've been friends once,I respect your pride..I respect your privacy,I'm not gonna announce it to the rest of the world..

Kita pernah berkawan,laugh and cry...whatever you do,or say publicly about me..which I can say mencalarkan my pride jugaklah..I'm just gonna be quiet and say alhamdulillah..I'm not gonna play the personal attack...Tapi I'm truly saddened that it started with a misunderstanding and it ended very ugly..maybe not for you guys but for me...

Menjaga keaiban saudara sendiri adalah dituntut dalam Islam.How hurt I am pun,we've been friends before..so,your secret is safe with me.I never see any of my friends as a looser,never once..and I never assume that I'm always right and I was the best in everything I do..

I'm jobless,husbandless,fat and ugly.How come everybody else around me is a looser?You guys have the best job,financially stable and do well in your studies..I didn't even finish mine..Maybe you tersilap kot..I'm the biggest loser here..Think about it!

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked”

Enough said..whatever was said about me...walaupun pedih,I forgive all of you as kotla esok lusa one of us go ke,tak payah kita susah payah nak cari each other kat Padang Mahsyar nak minta maaf. I was never the best in anything I do.You know me better..My life is a mess...So,if in any way If I hurt any of you I'm sorry...sincere from the bottom of my heart.But the truth is..You have misunderstood me.Period.

Memorable Dinner@Hilton Rotterdam

assalamualaikum..salam Monday darling! I'm so busy today...kalut dengan Kyrana la,my own thing la..iskh..Kat uk susah sikit nak cari cikgu mengaji,so,usually I la yang ajar her simple2 surah semua..But this 2,3 days I dok ajar dia the right tajwidla..gila,lama dah tinggai sekala hukum-hakam tajwid tuh..time sekolah rendah woo belajar kat sekolah agama..

Keluarla segala Iqlab la,idzhar la,nun sakinah la..iskh,nasib mama dia pernah belajar sekolah agama,kalau tak,haru jugak aku nak menjawab..Today apart from ajar tajwid tuh,I spend some quality time dengan my brother and Kyra,main badminton..It was fun..and I feel better bila berpeluh...

Emotion wise,macam biasa,still going thru roller-coaster..but that means I still alive kan...kot tetiba dah takda perasaan apa-apa,paham-paham ajalah...huhuhu:P Tadi Kyra cakap"I don't know what I'll do without you"..I just smiled and said "I'm gonna die too one day,you know"..She replied"Yeah,I know that,but I hope not that soon"..I gelak aja..I cakap.."I hope so too,I wanna see you finish your Uni,get married and have lotsa kids"..Hahaha..cute kan!

Ok,today nak update about the dinner we had in Hilton Rotterdam the other day.Rotterdam is one of the big city in Holland..and I memang selalu melepak sana as my brother is staying there...Let the picture tell you the stories yer..

This is one part of the Rotterdam city..yang bangunan putih tulah Hilton

 Me...

Kyra

Fine dining la kiranya..this time..weather terrible okay..too cold..sampai sakit dada..ouch!

Seafood Spaghetti..The only dish yang halal apart from bread..huhuhu..Gila udang dia besar and sangat fresh..yummeh!

Dessert yang sedap gila..Licin licau kami makan 3 orang..taktau nak explain,dia ada ice-cream,dia ada macam pastri la makan dengan ice cream tuh..Rupa hodoh but taste fantastic!

Sayang Paling Dalam..

aslm...Short update today..Cried since I open my eyes this morning..teringat this song he used to dedicate to me before we got married..

If you see the lyrics..memang sebijik-sebijik apa dia selalu cakap...He said he never loved anyone this much before..that He would die for me....if he had to..He saved my name as Angel in his phone..dia selalu ckp he thinks I'm an angel from above..sangat schweet kan...

Ok,abang,betul apa you cakap....di sini telah datang sayang paling dalam....I find it hard to go on bila we're not a complete unit lagi.I'm tired of crying...if there's a nice cave,I would just ran and sit in there for a while...praying to Allah that this horrible dream will end soon...

The only thing that keep me going on is Kyra...and the hope to see you again...apart from that..its just a blurred vision..Cepatlah anak..besarlah..go in the University,so that I could go and stay somewhere terpencil where no one will judge me..:(

Hari nie dah nangis lebih 4 kali..Pecah rekod semalam..kesian mata aku,jangan lama-lama jadi Kassim selamat sudehhhhh!! :P

P/S: Pedih bila ada kawan-kawan dia message aku cakap jasa dia kat diorang and how good he was.Memang,dia manusia paling baik pernah aku jumpa.Manusia paling tulus,paling ikhlas...Syukur,tuhan temukan aku dengan dia.

Hari Paling Sadis!

assalamualaikum...

I was so devastated la today..Mixed emotion..Start my morning with crying la..macam biasa..then ok skets,went to have my breakfast..ok kejap...as I was about to have my bath,datang lagi perasaan haru itu,nangis lagi dalam toilet..sampai bengkak bijik mata...then..lunch with Kyra,main game,ok kejap..then...went out,settled some stuffs..then balik...terbaca something and terus reminded me of him..nangis lagi..sampai throw up..keluar segala isi perut..tak penah-penah nangis teruk macam nie...Then went out again..ok kejap..then balik,saw something,terus nangis lagi..Ok,Hari nie saya nangis 4 kali...Hampir nak pecah rekod hari kedua he passed away iaitu menangis tak berlagu sebanyak 10 kali..

Adoi,tak tau apa nak jadi..I'm tired..tired of this sufferings...tired of missing..I'm not crying because I tak redha or I tak sabar yer..I cried because I missed him so much,missed talking to him,I would want him to be here on Kyra's 1st music lesson..and sebab esok fathers day,dia takde dah.Period.

I'm done explaining to people why I'm still holding on..I'm sick of having to make a statement why I can't move on...Yes,its been 6 months..and yes,other people moved on..but they are the strong ones..they are not me..and they are not the one who lived with my husband....

Only a few close people yang knows my husband personally know why I'm like this and why I 'm not ready to move on.You are not in my shoes..you will never understand why.So,I'm wasting my time telling everyone and pretending that I'm ok while I'm not.The truth is I was never ok pun since he left me..left us..never once I feel a complete happiness...How can you be happy when your other half was long gone?Lalu makan kah anda?lena tidur kah anda? 

I don't wanna say anything else...I just wanna be on my own this few days...And I've made up my mind..it doesn't matter kot no one understand the kind of love that we shared..I don't give a damn..No one was really here pon when I needed them the most..Just me myself..dealing with this pain and misery...So,why give a damn?

Ok,I'm a looser..and i couldn't care less..yes,its true..I can't live without him..Every seconds pass me by felt like a needle go through my vein...and no one will understand the pain....So,just go on..and make your assumption about me...as nothing else matters to me now..

The only thing I wanna do now is sit by his grave and talk...and recite him fatihah.Tu aja,and I can't even do that...Sucks!

What doesn't Kill you makes you stronger?

assalamualaikum..salam Jumaat darlings...Are you smiling as the weekends are approaching?As for me,boleyla jugak..tapi takdekla tergedik-gedik sangat happy kan..Gonna spend my time with family this weekends..its my moms birthday and coincindently sekali dengan Father's Day kan..senang,sekali celebrate aja.

My cousin is gonna join us sekali...the more the merrier.Today,Friday the 17th is actually brings me back to that dark hole..Sebabnya he left on Friday..and on the 17th jugak..tapi 17th December la.So,today mark half year of his passing..:(

Sadis memang sadis..perit tak payah cakaplah...menangis pon rasanya dah kering air mata nie..kena refill minum air banyak-banyak :P.Anyway,I have to go on jugak..walaupun how hard I don't want to..walaupun I wanna hold on to him lagie..and the memories we've created...:(

But its ok,I know he's in a better place now..At least he's not in the hospital,comma ke apa kan..Rest in peace,my darling...Actually me and him we have plans...but itulah, Allah tu lebih mengetahui kan..This is whats best for me now...Maybe hikmah dia I belum nampak,but I will one day..

One of his wish is to see his daughter plays musical instruments sebab mamat nie memang a musical lover..He can play a lil bit of drum,keyboard..but his 'makanan wajib' is guitar la..Memang sangat talented...So,he taught his daughter to play guitar,I takleh nak continue la sebab I memang sucks at music..paling terror pon boleh sing aja...Huhuhuhu..

He also wants his daughter learn how to play piano..The rational is,when we play piano,both our brain is connected since we are using both of our hands...

So,today is gonna be Kyra's first Piano class...mama dia yang excited lebih okay..Bukan apa,happy dapat fullfill his dream..agaknya kalau anak aku dah main piano kat mana-mana event nanti and jadik famous one day,mesti abah dia proud gila kan..At least I try my best to fulfill his dreams...

Adoi,mood sayu pulak today....Tak apalah,what doesn't kill you kan actually makes you stronger...To be at where I am now emotionally memang memenatkan...To actually survived without him for 6 months is amazing ok.But...everyday is a new day..and I try to be a better person..You should too,okay?

P/S: Jangan Lupa Baca Surah Al-Kahfi today..:)..In Rejab,setiap amalan akan digandakan pahalanya sebanyak 70 kali..Selamat Beramal!

If You Are An Eye-Liner Addict!

assalamualaikum my dear readers....thank you sebab drop by baca my merepek-ness yer..Hope you enjoy your visit and I hope you do get something from my blog..Be it experience ke,infos ke,stories,etc :)

Ok,today update blog memalam buta sebab I'm so busy la tomorrow..rasa macam tak dan..banyak tempat nak kena pegi..banyak benda nak kena settle la pulak..So,baik I update siap-siap malam nie....kan..kotla korang rindu pulak nak baca celoteh ahkak..kan..kan..cakap jelah..takyah malu-malu...blush~ poyo gila,kan! :P

Ok,as a woman,memangla kita nie takleh nak lari dari nak nampak cantik jelita..kan..especially yang single da mingle macam ahkak kau nie..:P. I think what's important for me larr kan..is a good loose or compact powder...the right shade..taknaklah aku nampak macam opera cina pulak...bertepung semacam..Muka puteh,tiba tang leher..contrast kau! Aduss....sadis...

Apart from compact powder,I LOVE eye liner..sebabnya mata I agaks sepets yer..so,bila pakai eye liner nampakla bijik mata tuh besor skets...pastuh I suka la buat efek-efek ala feremfuan arab gittew...Tapi itulah..eye liner nie pon masalah jugaks..kadang bulu dia tebal sangat jadi terover pulak..kang kalau orang jumpa aku malam-malam ingat aku hantu kak limah pulak...kita bakor ajer! :P

Eye liner nie selalu jadi problem for me nak cari yang suitable..macam-macam dah cuba dari yang murah..sampai yang mahal..but yang boleh tahan sikit is MAC la..Tapi itulah,MAC ni pon kadang the price pon boleh buat kita sakit jiwa jugak..kan..Tapi korang takyah sakit jiwa lagie yer,pencinta-pencinta eye liner tegar macam I nie...

Worry no more,there's this product yang mampu selamatkan ur budget plus for me memang worth it..This eye liner was recommended by a make-up adrtst to me 2 weeks ago..Terus ahkak lari laju-laju pegi drug store kay...Ok,Tipu..jalan laju-laju...kang mau tersembap,buat hilang vogue ahkak jek kan :P

Ok,this is the product you've been waiting for..drum roll,please...

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Yes..Maybelline Hypersharp Liner

Selain dari bertindak sebagai celak,kau nak lukis mural kat muka kau pon boleh :P

hahahahha..gila...

SERIOUS NIE..

Memang best gila this product..senang nak mencelakkan mata...sangat kemas..and water proof jugak,kecuali la kau pakai masa tengok Nur Kasih...kan..confirm air mata terus jadik make-up remover..hahahaha..

For me,this product sangat worth buying,quality wise is good,application pon senang..yang paling bagus is murah,just RM33 jek I beli...menyesal tak beli 8,kan..kan..:P

So,sesapa yang gilakan eye liner and takleh idop tak pakai eye liner pi lari laju-laju cepat carik menda nie...Then dah pakai,comment kat sini,kay?

SELAMAT BERCELAK!