While You Were Sleeping

aslm..Salam Rabu...perghh..this entry title reminded me of that film "While You Were Sleeping".I think heroin dia Sandra Bullock kot..Sweet gila citer tu..Well,ni kira my version of that la kan...:P

This is dedicated to my darling husband...yang,while you were sleeping..banyak jugakla benda yang dah jadi...I took a leave from my studies..ntahla bila nak sambung balik..gila tengah kumpul motivation.But a good friend of mine has put some sense in my head..Dia suruh I wake up,move on..Dia kata dia dah tebas jalan and buat lorong for me..and if I terpijak duri along the way and sakit,dia akan cabut duri tu and will not let me be in pain.Sweet kan?Well time nilah,kawan baik itu penting..yang mengerti,yang memahami..

Insy,i will go back to school very soon sebab that is what my husband want jugak.As for Kyra,she's gonna take UPSR soon..arghhh...besar dah budak tuuuu..huwwwaaaa.....then masuk hughschool,then masuk Uni,then got married,then I dah bercucu...errkkkk....gila sadis,kan?I made her promise the other day that she'll let me stay with her nanti..kejam,kan?nampak sangat takde niat nak kawen lain kan:P:P:P:P:P

Kyra dah almost a year dah belajar piano..rasa bangga gila everytime I hear her play...Hope abah dia pun boleh see her from above..:(:(:(..Finally,kan..I ada 2 wishes for 2012..

Yang pertama,nak beli ni:-

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This is for Kyra..So,that dia boleh practice..now,dia practice guna my Yamaha Keyboard aja,yang I bought from hani masa i darjah 5..Berapa tahun dah tu keynoard tuh?20 years,ok?Eh,terbagitau pulak umur ahkak!Cheh :P

Ok,and for me...yelah,kan,dah keje penat-penat cam nak mampos,of course la I pon nak something gaks..I punya murah jek....

Handbag kah?

Nope?

Kan I dah ada cik P*AD*

Lalalalalaalal...

Well,I nak benda nie jek,yang datang sekali dengan kawan baik baru?

Sapa?

Ni lah!

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Datang dengan personal assisstant sekali called SIRI....owh,I'm so in love..kira oklah kan..kaler pon sama dengan my macbook..kira sedondon perr?Alasannnn kan?

melampau tak kalau pakai 2 iphones???? :P:P:P:P:P

Tiba Juga.......

assalamualaikum...

Today....17th December 2011..The day I wished I don't have to go through..I wished I could freeze the time..stop it forever....Today's date exactly a year ago..was the day my life changed forever....The day that he slipped away...the day that that I found it won't be the same again....The day I died...I died inside.....

I was thinkin bout this day...and I don't know how I'll cope with it..To be honest,I started crying a week ago..Its not something I planned but rather came naturally...I started reminiscing like my heart has it own mind...semua benda jadi menyedihkan dan memilukan...

I just can't believe that its been a year...since his passings...rasa macam baru semalam I went to his funeral..macam baru aja I sat by his grave and talked to him...demm this feelings I'm having...:(

After his passings I terfikir how I nak go thru a day without him..a night without him..rasa macam too impossible..rasa sakit macam nak mati...nak melepaskan malam tu punyalah seksanya..then I had to deal with my panic attacks lagi..memang sadis masa tuh..I'm on medication lagi...bangun tengah-tengah malam just to found out he was not sleeping beside me tu sangat menyeksakan...

Then a week passed me by..bulan berganti bulan and today..genap setahun pemergian kekasih hati....Macam tak percaya I've gone through a year dah..yang rasanya almost penuh dengan limpahan air mata dan kesayuan...Air mata yang tumpah kerana terlalu merindui my best friend,my lover and my husband..Bukan kerana tidak redha..tapi kerana terlalu merindui his presence....:((((

But of course I know that orang yang I sayang itu milik Dia...Maha Pencipta...jadi,bila dia menjemput balik hakNya,I kena redha..sebab from the beginning pun his never mine...Abang,mama dengan Tirah sayang sangat kat abang...and kalau mama boleh tukar apa-apa milik mama just to bring you back,I would....Tapi mama tak mampu,yang...

Mama harap kita dapat jumpa....one fine day..and till then,biarlah kita saling merindui...and remember this.."If I would choose again,I'd still choose you..anytime,anywhere...Be Mine Always,sweetheart..

Owh,today ada something happy yang jadi dalam family I...Let the picture tell you that..And for both of you,you know who you are..congratulations!

Dia...Dia dan Dia Lagi..

assalamualaikum...

TGIF kan??? perghhh,gila penat this week...I sooooo need a padi and mani la..or a spa treatment...cliche kan? Well...tok nenek kita dulu menoreh,menyabit,menebas,takda pon spa treatment bagai..hidup aja sihat wal-afiat...kita nie yang manja terlebey kot :P

Well,this week I'm so emotionally unstable...I've been thinkin of him a lot..when I mean a lot..its a whole lot...I missed him badly..can't even think of him,mesti nak bergenang air mata..I missed just being with him..when he didn't say anything..just lokk at me with his dopey look..that I Love You So Much look..Gosh,writing this pon dah buat jiwa I sakit...:(

He's so perfect in his own way...he cooks,he cleans,he cares...he loves...I can never find anything wrong about him...Dulu when he was around..he annoys me with his attitude..banyak jugaklah yang tak berkenan kat mata I..

But now,I missed seeing a wet towel on our bed..I missed seeing his cigarettes in the toilet..I missed him calling me names...Gosh,this emptiness is killing me....:( Moving on tu macam nampak far lagi...I know I'm still the old me...Trying my very best to move on..but..only me je yang tau how it feel..

Gosh,its been almost a year kan...without his presence....He still lingers around me...the memories we had...Its hard when you've been with someone that is almost perfect...because you tend to compare him with everyone else..and in the end..he wins..in the end...nothing or no one compares to him...I'm so used to be pampered and loved in certain ways...so,its difficult to even open your heart..

I guess this ramblings of mine mesti bosankan you all kan...grieving....I'm sorry it had to be in this space...Its just writing about it made me feel better..and when you read it I don't have to explain why I'm feeling certain ways...I do hope you understand...

Well maybe some of you don't because you are not in my shoes..But try not having your husband around for a week ot two,and you had to manage everything,dengan anak semua..then you know what I'm talking about..I've been without him for a year..and trust me,its pain beyond pain..its hard...not just without physical supports..but the emotional support most of the time..

When you just one someone to talk to...someone to hold you and whisper in your ears that he's gonna be there with you,you don't have to worry,things gonna get better...That kinda emotional support...demm,I miss those moments..

I don't understand why do I'm here..back to square one...rasa macam tak berdaya nak hidup,nak go on,I need him so badly...to just simply be there...just to sing beside me and put me to bed..

I'm hurt..so damn hurt.....:((((((

Dari Mata Turun Ke Hati

assalamualaikum..

Heya lovely peeps...Happy Tuesday,cayang! Hope everyone is well and cukup rest throughout the weekends..I'm tired,mentally and physically...Bila lah nak lepak mana-mana island,sun bathing and relax sambil dengar the sound of the ocean..OK,mode verangan kat Brazil macam Bella honeymoon dengan edward kat Island tuh...lalalalala..minus the naked part dalam laut tu yer? :P

Ok,today nak share something...Mood baik untuk sharing is caring yer..Sejak dua menjak busy tahap gaban nie kan,dah jarang ada time nak sharing lagie kan...blame my hectic work schedule tau...not me..:P

Ok,as we know,women nie kan bila dah masuk 30an,mula la kulit nak berkedut sana-sini,ada dark circle la,eye bag la..kan..Lagi-lagi minah kelawar macam I yang tak reti nak tido pukul 10pm nie kan..Kalau tak pukul 1am,mata memang takleh nak padam,except kalau betul-betul penat..so,terbentuklah dark circle and eye bag..kan..seperti ini..

Tengok ni!

Larikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!! Mode:Sembunyi dalam gua sambil hantuk-hantuk kepala kat stalaktik dan stalagmit..

Eh??

Sadis kan eye bag ku..hadoila....cemana agaknya yer when I reached 40? ok,takyah imagine now..lambat lagi wei...lalalalala..Lama la sangatttttttt....memandangkan saya rasa sangat insaf melihatkan mata saya,sepantas kilat saya pegi kedai and purchase ini cream..yang diwar-war sebagai best-seller...Mangkuk hayun mana la yang sorok La Mer eye cream aku tuh..memang keji lahhh...Tak pasal-pasal kene beli yang ni!

The Immortelle Precious Eye Balm is an eye cream with anti-aging benefits. Reduce dark circles, puffiness and signs of fatigue around the eyes with this gentle cream. Formulated with Immortelle essential oil, it will soothe, moisturize, nourish and tone the delicate skin around the eyes..

Well..after a month of using it twice a day,hasilnya...

Jeng-Jeng..Jeng...

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Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Dah kurang banyak,kan? Kagum plaks tengok mata sendiri..larikkkkkkkkk!!!

Definasi Cantik Tu Tak Sama Wei!!

assalamualaikum..

Happy Monday pretty peeps...Well,thank god that I suddenly got my writing mojo back..Gila tinggal blok bersawang...tuh pun ada gak visitors yang jenguk..Thanks yer you all..Ni yang I sayang kat korang ha..memang loyal la..I loike..:)

Well,the other day I was out,shopping..and dining...I punya peel is,suka makan relax2 sambil cuci-cuci mata lah..kotla ada mamat yang iras Aaron Aziz ke kan..lalalala..Keji,kan?Hahahaha,just kiddin..Well,I suka observe orang..baik dari segi dressing or attitude..suka sangat...Rupa-rupanya macam-macam jenis orang ada kat dunia ni kan?kelakar..

Dulu time zaman-zaman menggedik bila kuar dengan member2 ber yoya..Mesti member aku akan cakap.."Meen,cuba tengok couple tuh..perghh,awek cun gila babeng,tapi pakwe dia cuba kau tengok,muka cam jembatan tak siap"..Kata kawan aku..Statement memang tak bleh blah kan?? sadis arr..

Tak pun..ayat camni.."Gila handsome and tough mamat tuh,alahai..awek dia tak cun langsung arr..tak padan gila..Patut mamat tuh ngorat aku"..Ni lagi statement berani mati ha...Tapi kan,kengkadang kita sendiri pon pikir the same thing kan? Frankly,I jarang tengok couple yang pakwe memang handsome and awek dia memang cun..Kira sama padan arr...Mesti ada yang dominate the other kan??

Kadang dulu saket hati pon ada gak..Motif?? Sebab kununnya kita yang patut jadi gf mamat handsome tuh kan...Uwweekk,,,sila cermin diri sendiri dulu kay..Termasuk haku...Lalalalala...

Well,cemana nak comment yer?Orang kata,rupa tuh tak penting,yang penting hati..ikhlas sayang..perangai tak menyetan..kan? I think ni semua balik pada individual preferences la..Kadang I dengan my husband dulu selalu bertekak kes aku cakap pompuan tu tak cantik,dia kata cantik.Bila aku kata cun gila,dia kata"Macam tu cun? Tak cun langsung..Eh la laki aku nie....sod ba Ro betul dengan dia tau...So,betulla pepatah yang kata "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder"..memasing punya citarasa..Ada orang kata kurus tuh sexy..ada orang kata chubby tu lagi sexy..kahkahkah...

But if you asked me..betulla rupa tu tak sepenting hati sebab bila kau dah tua ganyut nanti yang cun pon dah tak cun,yang handsome pon dah kedut medut...so,masa tuh memang hati la yang penting kan..tapi for me,sedap mata memandang itu penting yer..Sebab kalau dah kat mata kita pon tak sedap pandang,cemana nak mengadap muka tu 365 hari kan?

Tapi kan,kalau muka handsome or rupa cun tapi hati macam puaka...pon I taknak gak..setujuuu???? So,tepuk dada tanya selera...yang penting boyfriend aku,si Jacob and laki aku si Edward dua-dua handsome...Eh??? :PPPP

Nigella yang still comel walau chubby :P

Betapa Ku Terlalu....

assalamualaikum..

A very sad Friday for me.....Awal-awal pagi lagi dah sadis....Woke up for my subuh prayer..then after baca quran sikit,dozed off again....For around 1 hour..Its not that i overslept ke apa..but what happened in that intense 1 hour....

I dreamt of him!!! After almost a year! selama ni,selalu doa agar dia muncul dalam mimpi ni supaya hilang segala luka..terubat sedikit rindu dan sepi ni...Namun,tak sekali pun dia muncul....And I started thinking that maybe he was mad at me..coz I tried to move on....arrghh..air mata nie memang tak dapat ditahan-tahan lagi...:( :( :(

I used to play the video cam again and again so that I could hear his voice..just to feel him...just to hurt myself..I thought it would cure the pain..maybe for a little bit..But it doesn't..All this while,I regret that I never asked him to record his voice in my phone..so that when I missed him,I could listen to it again and again...:(

The dream I had after Subuh this morning was that we went somewhere and I was holding my Nokia phone,thinking that this time I should ask him to record his voice..just in case he leave me again..sadis kan..I don't really remember what we did in the dream but we do hold hands and we did go to somewhere yang bukan in Malaysia..I think its in UK...

When I got up,I felt this sharp pain in my heart...Felt like someone stabbed me there..again and again...and I bleed...and bleed....

Then,I got hurt...and the pain was greater than it was before..and here I am..hurt.....and I'm back to square one..Al-mighty..please....have mercy on me and his soul...grant me some patience so that I could at least..LIVE.....:(

Flawless La Sangatttttt

Assalamualaikum...

Tetiba sehari dua nie ada mood pulak nak update blog lepas dah berspider web bagai..Gila,kan? maybe sekarang mood bahagia sebab ada chenta baru...lalalala...sapa baca my blog yesterday tau la pasal chenta baru ku ittew...Tapi belum dapat lagi laaarrrr..Nantilah dah dapat baru leh show and tell kan ::P

Well,saja la nak update you all about my journey nak mendapatkan flawless skin kunun nie..sadis lah..lama dah tak tunjuk progress kan...As you know,I'm using La Mer skin full set kecuali eye cream dia lama dah haku tatau mana ku campak kan..sadis lah..So,instead I'm using L'ocittane punya eye balm...That one nanti I buat different entry kay..

Entry nie just pasal facial wash,toner and that moisturiser cream of La Mer...Nak kene carik balik nie gambar lama sebelum mengguna La Mer...Jap..jap...

TUTUP MATA

Errkkk.....

Ok,Muka agaks kusam and tak bermaya di situh,nie masa pegi kenduri kawen bulan February kot..so,after almost 10 months..Jeng-jeng jeng...

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Ada beza kan my skin texture and complexion..Sangat puas hati walaupun poketku rabak..at least takyah nak inject botox bagai kann....

Wah,Kyra dah tanned gilaaaaaaaa.....sadisnya!! Takpe,nanti besar,pandai-pandai la kau nak pakai Fair & Lovely,yer nakkk...:P