Happy Birthday Darling!

assalamualaikum..Firstly,I wanna wish my daughter Happy 10th Birthday.I'm so sorry sweetheart that I could not be there with you..for the 1st time...And I know,that this is the 1st time we are going to celebrate your birthday without your abah :(

I'm sorry honey..because I could not do anything...to spare your dad..I'm sorry its beyond my ability.But mama nak Kyra tau that he is always with us...watching us from above...

I hope you don't read my blog and realise how much pain I've been through..how many million tears I cried...

On your 10th Birhday,I'm wishing you joy..Semoga panjang umur,murah rezeki dan jadi anak yang solehah pada mama and abah.Thank you for always be there for mama.I would not trade you and our memories with anything in this world.

No matter how old you are, to us you will always be your Daddy's little girl and your Mommy's bundle of joy. 

Happy 10th Birthday to you,sayang!

P/S :Tears are the silent language of grief.

La Isla Bonita!

Assalamualaikum....I'm officially tan! Muahahaha..hitam dah weh,kerana panggilan pulau...But not as bad as langkawi..Kalau Langkawi hangat gila,I can feel that my skin is burning in and out!

I love my girls getaway..We had so much fun,gossiping-a must la...fresh seafood,snorkelling,boat rides...shopping..and shopping..and shopping...iskh,how la to contain myself...memang tepat sungguh la shopping is a theraphy..memang pon!

Its nice to get up..listening to the sound of the sea...the birds chirping,then tetiba I wish he was here with me...sitting with me at the balcony overlooking the pacific ocean..having hot tea and just talk..talk about life..talk about love...Suddenly I missed us...

I tried to forget my sadness,and it worked somehow...I enjoyed our snorkelling session...all the fishes ate the bread from my bare hand...Happy tengok ikan-ikan nie makan..macam takde masalah hidup je-memang pon!

This is the breathtaking view from our 4th floor room..Subhanallah..

Korang nak tengok ke gambar snorkelling?Hahaha,kelakar la..my very 1st time...Muka happy gila...Thats my besties there..been friends since our matrix year in 1999.So its been 12 years...Love you girls!

Enjoyed every moments that we had..the laughter the talk...the best of all was the 3 of us sat in the swimming pool,overlooking the sea during sunset.The best view I've ever had my whole life....and I'm glad I experienced it with my besties....

P/S:  A million words wouldn't bring you back. I know because I've tried. Neither would a million tears. I know because I've cried.

Perasan Bagus

assalamualaikum..Mood memang agak sentaps hari nie..staff menyakitkan hati dan jiwa raga,nak marah dah tak larat marah.So,bagi chance dulu..esok siaplah korang...

On the other note,Kyra got her exam result today..not bad I can say..not bad at all..walaupun cuti lama becoz you know why kan..am sooo proud of her....

Saya benci lah orang perasan.Sapa orang perasan nie?Orang yang rasa dia lah yang paling bagus,paling pandai,paling elok,paling cantik,paling handsome,paling menjadi rebutan..iskh, rasa nak lempang laju-laju boleh??

Sapa setuju sila angkat tangan..meluat tahap gaban dah nie...Sakit hati,sakit jiwa..sakit semua.Period!

Never Dies

assalamualaikum....Today is a damn hectic day for me..however,I'm thankful that I gotta job and with this job..I can save some cents to bring Kyra's up...whatever I do now is just for her..bukan suka-suka menyibukkan diri..and no intention nak neglect her at all...Allah knows better..Just thinking of her aja...kalau fikir diri sendiri aja,I'd rather stare at the ceiling doing nothing...I prefer that way..

"A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart."

I believe that love never dies..precisely true love...I love him..I love Kyrana. I'd do anything for my lil girl. Sebenarnya sebanyak mana harta dunia pon takkan terbanding dengan harta yang Allah amanahkan pada kita.

Never trade your child with anything..wealth,work..its not worth it,trust me...You can never buy back the time you missed with them.I'm glad that we were there when she uttered her 1st word "Mama"..when she took her 1st step...and when she sang her 1st song...

The other day,as I saw her praying..dengan sangat khusyuk,my eyes teared...I hope her dad would have seen her from above and be proud of her...:(

Huhuhu..nie gambar dia 5 tahun yer..gaya sangat terlebay sudahh..now dah insapp..:P


P/S:
"What do you do when the only one who can make you stop crying is the one who is making you cry?" 

Never a Brownie Fan...Until...

assalamualaikum...Happy Monday my dearie...Its a busy busy day for me...By the way,I'm multi-tasking now nie..sambil update blog sambil tepuk Kyra tidur...Sambil layan youtube lagie...

Being away from this country sebenarnya ada ruginya..Rugi dari segi makan...hahahaha..Sebabnya tak tau mana tempat melepak and makan yang best..banyak tempat makan I nak update kat uols nie..satu-satu la kay...

I don't really like brownies..simply because I hated the chewy mewy texture...I love cookies but never a brownies fan...until...

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I had THIS!

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This was the best brownie with vanilla ice-cream I ever tasted! Gila tempting and addictive too..tak jemu ok....Other than that,I ordered a few vanilla cuppies..which was so-so aja..takleh lawan wondermilk cuppies la kan..And we had this too:-

PAVLOVA!

For us..sangat so-so...not so nice la...I had better in France and UK...I think the meringue didn't didn't turn out that well kot..chewah,cakap macam aku chef pastry aja,kan..poyos betol food critics nie...:P

Tapi kan..that brownies memang I nak highlight la..kasik markah 11 per 10...ececececeh..Pegi rasa skarang! Yer,skarang jugak..especially pada yang tengah frust boyfriend kau larik ke, exam ko result kantoi ke,or stress kat office ke...sila..sila..ke?

SINI!

Kat Jalan Tun Razak,yer..Sini kot yang diorang panggil Dua residency annexe tulah..errk,serious not sure,almaklumlah,lama kat ober der sea,kan..mahap yer kalau silap...

By the way,to my friend yang belanja I the other day kat situ especially for my birthday,Thank you so much..I had a good time :)

Perfect Picture..

assalamualaikum...I'm on working from home..today!!!!!!!!waduh,sangat tranquil rasa..Going out with Kyra for ice-cream treat,then nak cari cd,then nak cari story books.Mind you,not for me,but her..I nie beli magazine 2 weeks ago pon tak sempat bukak lagi..TV apatah lagie...

Agak-agak kan ada tak orang yang ada perfect life dalam hidup dia?means everything is perfect? I love to observe...especially people...Observing people,buat my own analysis,or hypothesis kan..then conclude..

Hidup nie memang tiada yang sempurna.Macam kalau kau cantik,tak semestinya kau pandai,kau kaya and laki kau handsome..Betul? kalau betul pun kau ada semua,maybe anak kau tak berapa nak comel atau tak berapa nak genius.Semua orang pon ada flaws masing2,kan..Ada orang ada husband yang baik,ada anak,semua lengkap,buat maybe parents dah takde...so,dah hilang kasih sayang ibu-bapa.

Ada orang ada parents,tapi husband pulak jahat,kaki pompuan ke,kaki judi ke kaki pukul ke..ada yang semua ada,parents ada,husband,anak semua lengkap,tapi duit pulak nan ado..Semua orang pon ada their own sets of problems kan..

Sebab Allah tu Maha Adil,hanya Dia sahaja yang sempurna,kita manusia tiada yang sempurna dan kekal.So,kena terimalah flaws kita seadanya.Macam I..I can say that I have almost everything except him that I love...Tapi dulu masa he was still around,I lack of other things jugak.So,its about balance.Allah takkan beri kita semua yang hati kita inginkan...

Semua yang ada pada kita hari ini hanyalah bersifat temporary dan pinjaman semata..Anak,suami,ibu-bapa.Kenapa? Kerana kita semua nie akan balik kepadaNya apabila tiba saatnya.Kenapa kita dijadikan on the 1st place?1 saja sebabnya iaitu untuk beribadat kepadaNya..However,ramai manusia yang dah terjebak dalam permainan dan pujukan duniawi...Dunia ini akan hancur seperti debu bila tiba saat sangkakala ditiup..Yang kekal abadi,hanyalah akhirat....

Orang yang paling pandai bukanlah orang yang paling kaya atau yang paling banyak anugerah doctoratenya di dunia nie.Tapi orang yang paling pandai adalah oran yang tau bahawa dunia ini tidak kekal,dan dia berusaha mengumpul amalannya sebagai bekalan ke akhirat.

Trust me,one by one will leave us..suami,anak,ibu-bapa...atau mungkin kita pergi dahulu.What matters was how you end,not how you begin...Its never to late..never to late to go back..to repent...Sebenarnya,I was like most of you jugak sebelum nie..bila ada je orang meninggal around me,just tumpang simpati and cakap Innalillah aja..But never once I look back and merenung kembali hal kehidupan dan kematian..

Sampailah waktu I saw my husband go...less than 3 minutes kot,with my naked eys..in my arms..Then reality hits me..What if it was me?Cukup ke bekalan yang nak dibawa ke sana?bagaimana hisab tu nanti?Tapi,lumrah manusia,bila benda tu tak terjadi pada dia atau orang yang betul2 rapat,kita memang tak akan terasa apa-apa..

I wanna share with you something I read 2,3 months ago..about hell.Api neraka itu,jika diambil sebesar biji kurma dan diletakkan di langit,nescaya terbakar 7 petala langit dan bumi..I can't imagine that I was thrown in there...hadoila....

So,my dear readers...please..sit back and think....nobody has perfect life..itu adalah salah satu cara tuhan uji kita,uji keimanan dan kesabaran kita..But,it doesn't matters sebenarnya sebab tempat abadi kita bukan di sini..destinasi akhir kita adalah di sana..maka bergembiralah bagi penghuni-penghuni syurga..

As for me,banyak lagi dosa-dosa yang belum terampun..banyak lagi cela-cela yang belum dibaiki,but like I said,its never to late,kerana Allah itu suka pada orang yang meminta dariNya..He is Al-Ghaffur..yang Maha pengampun dan penerima taubat...

The Call is Yours...Pick where you wanna Go..

Happy Thursday darlings!

Owh Gosh..

assalamualaikum my dear readers..I was damn busy at work today...Kyra called in the morning..and I was occupied with never ending work till 7pm.I was too busy..until I realiza todays' date..

Its 17 today..and mark his 5 months. 5 months passed me by..Gosh,was it only 5 months?Felt like 5 million years..ok,tipu...felt like 5 years...yang nie betol...Rasa macam lama gila tak jumpa dia,tak cakap dengan dia,tak sayang-sayang dia...urrghhhh

I rasa korang pon dah nak termuntah tengok how many times I cakap I missed him,kan..so,memang korang dah tau lah kan...I'm gonna have to bear this pain forever la..till the end of time....Hati nie bukan senang dipujuk..kalau dia kata A,maka A lah..semuanya pun atas keizinan Allah.Allah menguji mereka-mereka yang Dia sayang..Jadi,Alhamdulillah kerana me and Kyra terpilih untuk this test....

The pain was still there,untouched..kepedihan hati tetap sama,the wound is gonna be there forever...cuma now takdala nangis 15 kali sehari macam dulu...I got better,thanks to Allah for that. I'm not afraid to love..again....

The thing is,I still feel him around..he never left,kot...or ikatan jiwa ini terlalu kuat...or maybe I was restricting myself...or maybe I sendiri yang choose not to love again just yet..Maybe ke phobia an tu masih terasa..Opening your heart again will lead to dependency..and I can't bear losing someone else for the second time.So,to be safe,I choose to be on my own...I got friends that I love....So,no serious need.Biarlah everyone else moved on...I will when I'm ready..

Al-fatihah sayang...rest in peace...Insy,Meen akan jumpa abang jugak di sana one fine day..As for now,tunggula Meen..you can see me and Kyra can?I hope you are relieved that we are doing ok.I'm sorry I still cry everyday,I know you hated it,but you know me better..I'm never that strong..Maafkan I...Please forgive me..I know not what I do..Please forgive me..I can't stop loving you...:(

Confuse....

assalamualaikum...yesterday was a confusing day la.I was doing my work and there's this lady in her 50's kot..or makciks la,asked me "adik nie dah kahwin ke belum"? I seriously tak tahu nak jawab apa..Kalau cakap dah kahwin,kang dia tanya pasal suami,I pulak yang sakit jiwa kang..Penat nak ulang that he passed away...why,at what age..whether he was sick before ke tak..hish..

Then kalau cakap belum kawen,tuh budak Kyra tuh nak campak mana.Dahla bila I bawak dia pi jalan,orang tanya sapa I cakap adik I,orang percaya.Keji,kan?Muahahahaha...Adoila. Living without my precious one sangatla perit...I miss her like crazy...dahla laki takda,anak pon takda..apala akhirnya hidup nie (cheh,mode sedih)..

Work is like mad..super mad I tell you..so sesapa yang rasa nak suggest I cari boyfriend ke pengganti ke,kirim salam ajalah..No empty space for a guy right now..Its just Kyra,work..work..and work..erk,did I mentioned work?? :P owh,pastu kalut nak cari duit nak beli umah,I so need a property now...Found one that I liked in Malaysia..Price wise,not bad,for me worth it la...

I love the swimming pool area,sangat tranquil...love the gym facing swimming pool..Love the balinese concept..Love the fact that they have indoor badminton court..I love badminton so much!Nak tengok gak ker?Ok..ok...see for yourself..

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So,inilah rumah idaman saya...love the place..love the ambience...love the people...Mostly expat yang stay sini...so,doa-doakanlah this house is gonna be mine.I so need a property la..to start over..kena ada tempat berlindung for me and Kyra kan..kot2la one day we wanna come back and stay in Malaysia.I've dreams...work first in uk,get more money,then come back to Malaysia for good...Mimpi tu taktaula achievable ke tak,but cubalah kan..

Selamat Hari Wesak semua!

Letting Go...

assalamualaikum..I'm planning a weekend escapades with my girlfriends nie,kat island..harap-harap all turn out according to plan la...I sooo need a spa treatment,shoulder massage and listening to live band at night....:)

On the other note,letting go someone nie memang susah giler kan..especially when my heart refuses to let him go.Guys come and go in your life..tapi..yang left a footprint tu seorang aja la...I wanna move on,but I refuse to let him go..I refuse to open my heart...I refuse to fall in love..again..for now..

Come..come on...

Come on..come on,don't leave me like this,I thought I had you figured out....I wanna go back...I want him back..I want us back...Period.

Would You Understand?

assalamualaikum..The past few weeks I was so busy..But it doesn't mean that I'm ok...I think its just an escapism..you know,to be busy,just to distract my mind...Its just that whatever I do pun,I still feel sad...tak tau nak buat apa pun to make me happy again.A friend of mine sent me a text wishing that everything is gonna be fine.I told dia that things will be just fine..but it can never be normal again...never :(

If i tell you all that I am so hurt,would you understand?If I tell you that it felt so painful when I woke up every morning,would you understand?If I tell you that I misses him like crazy,till I just break down and cry would you understand?

I don't know whether I'm ready..ready to work..ready to go to class..ready to go on as usual..It seems harder and harder each day..not better...the pain gets more intense..I just dont know what to do anymore:(

Kyra shed a tears yesterday..I was about to pray masa dia cakap she misses her dad..meleleh air mata dia bila dia ternampak her dad's pics masa dia bukak purse dia..I was so surprise..dia jarang nak cakap she misses her dad..she cried just 2,3 days aja after her dad passed away.I think she hides her feelings so that I won't be sad...she was doing me a favour..Lepas jer dia meleleh air mata,masa dia cakap I missed abah so much,I turn around..trying so hard to hide my tears..air mata i bergenang masa solat tu...tried so hard to be strong and not to cry in front of her..

I pretend..pretend so hard...I cried like mad at 12am almost everyday till now..just to ensure she didn't see me cry...Bila dah pukul 11pm,nearly 12 am tu,memang my usual crying time..Bukan saja suka suki jadi hobby menangis..tapi,everytime I wanna close my eyes,I teringat dia...then mulalah balik to square one..I thought I'm ok,but I guess I'm not..

Sebab semalam I didn't cry masa Kyra cried,then today start my day pon dengan rasa lesu aja..rasa pedih dalam hati bila ingat kesedihan anak...I pity her..pity her so much..hilang kasih sayang ayah pada usia seawal 10 tahun...I can never imagined her feelings kalau I kat tempat dia...:( I had an important meeting today..suddenly,my eyes teared..I know I can't cry in the meeting..tapi masa tu rasa macam perasaan hiba nie dah tak dapat ditahan-tahan lagi...

I went out,picked kyra,went out again..On the way,called my best friend,and terus burst into tears..bukan burst sikit2..adalah sejam kot menangis kat parking lot...rasa segan jugak menangis dekat dia,tapi,at least I dapat keluarkan semua rasa pedih dalam hati nie..:(

I don't know apa kesudahan hidup I nie..takkan selama-lamanya nak macam ni? I looked ok from the outside..tapi inside,I was never ok..since he went away....tidur tak pernah nyenyak selepas dia pergi...I know that deep inside,I'm loosing myself..I'm not the person I was before...I loose hope...I just don't care anymore..I wished I didn't have to do anything except cry...I know crying won't bring him back to life but at least it ease the heavy burden in my heart...

Can I just not do anything...can i just feel every stab in my soul? Can I please have him back again...in my arms? was it too much to ask? I was the weak one..yet I was the one who left...to feel the pain....Allah the Merciful...this pain is too great...I don't think I can take this much longer...what am I gonna do with me life now?Would you ..my dear readers ever understand???

I wished I could hold him now..feel the warmth of his body...never failed to make me feel secure and safe..Human love is so hurting..starts with a smile..but end with tears..all the time!

Hurt..Hurt..Hurt..Hurt..and Hurt......Bila hurt is beyond hurt..apa manusia biasa macam I boleh buat lagi selain break down and cry :(

Beyond Words..

assalamualaikum everyone...Happy Monday yeah..yeah..yeah,I know..Monday memang sangat tak ditunggu except kalau gaji korang jatuh on Monday kan?Serta merta mood and muka yang toya akan kembali berseri-seri,kan..kan..kan...:P

So,Happy Mother's Day pada semua yang bergelar Ibu..To my mom,my mom in law,my friends....Mesti makan besar semua kan Mother's Day nie...We all pon..Sampai 8 lauk,hokey?Muahahaha...sangat la over..last2 semua tapau..nafsu nafsi...aiyark!

So,what did you get?Last year Kyra and her daddy bought me a really nice card and a fridge magnet..since I pengumpul tegar FM,kan..FM tu ada gambar super woman kot tulis You're a supermom...Tapi this year tak dapekla nak dengar wish from my other half kan..But I always feel his presence..selalu rasa he's with me...he might be looking at me now,I aja yang tak nampak dia...But what matters is ikatan jiwa..once jiwa telah terikat,ia takkan terungkai selamanya...So,nie menjawabla soalan cepumas colleague2 i pasal me mencari pengganti..Its too soon to say..I don't wanna say it too early..kang tetiba esok ahkak kawen,korang cap ahkak dusta pulaks,kan..So,safe to say that not in the near future..sebab I percaya cinta sejati datang hanya sekali dalam hidup..I found mine..my soulmate...so,rasanya hati nie belum terbuka untuk sesiapa la kot....:)

So,what did you get?I hope my dearest mommy love present dia :) I got something from Kyra as well?Very nice indeed..Terkejut wey,tetiba aja,she gave me this:-

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Roses are Red..Violets are blue..chewah...cun kan? sangat melodramatic si Kyra nih..Whats the catch? This is not roses laaa..Kalau korang nak tau..ini adalah........

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There's a RING inside that! Cute giler kan??? Erkk,tapi looking at the size macam macam...macam......macam tak muat uuntuk jari comel I la.... :(

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Tu dia....jari last okay...Janji muat....anak punya pasal,ketat skets pon ahkak REDHA..hehehehe..Thank you Kyra sweetie..Walaupun adik cakap adik tak percaya mama nak pakai ring harga RM3.90,Mama nak cakap "I'll wear whatever you gave,becoz I always tell you its not what you gave or how much it is,its the thought that counts..Thank you anak,I love you so much...Thank you for loving me unconditionally..Its just the two of us now...But its ok,as long as we love each other,kan..It doesn't matter..Abah is always here..with us..in our heart..His love remains untouched,kan...kita hanya hilang jasad dia,tapi hati dia masih bersama kita...My first Mother's Day Celebration without him :(

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY SEMUA!

Mother's Day

Assalamualaikum...Happy Mothers day to all mothers in the world,especially yang tengah baca my blog yeah...Siapa yang belum jadi ibu,no worries,insy ada rezeki dapat merasa menjadi seorang ibu..

Being a mom is not an easy task...especially bila anak dah masuk sekolah..semua nak kena buat,gosok baju sekolah,tolong homework,buat revision,buat bekal sekolah..Erkk,memang hectic..especially kalau working mom..lagi la...Tapi bila kita penat balik kerja,anak sambut kat pintu,terus rasa hilang penat..kan..kan..kan..:)

Hmm,Kyra is not with me nie...I missed her so much..padahal baru beberapa jam aja tak jumpa dia..I dah nak jadi gila dah..felt so alone and incomplete..Iskh,macam kucing nak beranak..serba tak kena..I can never imagine living on my own macam nie..Dahla my other half pon takde...:( .My parents took Kyra for the weekends pasal I ada kerja nak kena settle...Hate the feelings bila balik rumah she was not there greeting me and hug me..

We chatted twice thru the phone today..When she said she missed me,my eyes teared up..pedih nya jiwa nie rasa...adoi,susah..susah...Kalau boleh tiap masa pon I wanna be with her..She was the only one I have from him..Iskh..sakit jiwa nie..

Kyra,balikla cepat,mama takleh hidupla macam nie..:( Parah betul la...Cemana nak tido without her nie?Nie baru berpisah sehari setengah..How lah kalau dia nak kahwin nanti one day?Takleh jadi la cenggini..Bila dah jadi ibu,naluri keibuan itu sangatla menebal..Alhamdulillah,thank you Allah kerana beriku peluang menyayangi anakku...This kinda love is so priceless..Happy Mothers Day pretty people!!

Missed you terribly pumpkin!!!

A Mad Day!!

assalamualaikum...I tak cukup tidooooooooooo!!! Slept at 12a.m,woke up at 5am for sahur then hantar Kyra to school,terus takleh tido dah..Iskh,hari yang penuh dengan dugaan for me larrr...astaghfirullah..

Dengan Kyra bangun lewat...segala apa pon baru nak buat pagi-pagi buta..Masuk toilet almost 10 mins tak boleh mandi lagi..Adoi,stressnya!! Mula-mula tahan sabar,lama-lama I lost my temper..ke haku nie memang bad temper?Errkk...geramnyaaaaa...Geram sebab kejut sekali tak bangun,kejut dua kali tido balik,kejut 3 kali pon sama jugak kesnya.

Dahla geram pasal ke slow an Kyra, pegi office,my staffs pulak buat hal.Hal apa?Hal degil,hal keras kepala.Malas sungguh nak naik hangin pagi-pagi buta...nak marah-marah the first thing in the morning.Tapi semua memang tak bole nak dengar cakap.Kita suruh A,dia pegi buat B. Terpaksa tadah telinga dengar I bagi ceramah...agaknya tak pernah tengok I naik hangin...muka pucat sorang-sorang. Bila tak marah,naik lemak,kita nak la jadi boss yang baik,taknak la marah macam budak-budak,masing-masing dah tua..Nie tak, nak jugak bikin orang panas hati..Lepas marah orang,I pulak yang rasa tak syok..takdala rasa guilty,tapi kesian pulak....:(

Dengan macam-macam masalah lah arinih,dengan tak confirm hotel for function,tak book hall for interviewla..semuanya menyesakkan kepala hotak..Last-last malas nak pikir,by 5.45pm,angkat kaki,balik umah cari ketenangan.Usually about 7pm baru nak balik umah.Hari nie surrender.Apart from letih puasa,penat otak,sakit tekak marah orang pagi-pagi..I just need a rest....

Told my bestie, apala kena hari nie,semuanya menyesakkan kepala and buat stress..Dia kata,maybe sebab I puasa,Allah tu bagi dugaan lebih sikit..Hmm..betullah tu..Kyra cakap,mama marah orang,puasa batal tau!Ek eleh...manala cikgu dia belajar marah tu batal puasa...Hahaha...

Kesian Kyra,pagi-pagi buta dah kena marah...tu pun setelah banyak kali suruh dia cepat..I'm such a bad mom la.....I need to learn how to be patient more..as for now,belum cukup sabar lagi...Masa-masa ni,how I wished he was here with me...and calmed me down..What to do....Kena menenangkan diri sendiri la....Nasib jugak ada kawan baik,boleh jugakla mengadu lebih kurang...

Tak apalah,banyak lagi orang yang lagi teruk diduga..Alhamdulillah that Allah tests me...it shows that he remembers me kan....

Gambar yang tak pernah dipublish lagie dek kerana malas!

P/S; Jangan Lupa baca yassin today...Pahalanya sama seperti membaca 10 kali Al-Quran :)

Kasih Manusia...

assalamualaikum...today is a hectic dah for me larr..iskh..pagi tadi makan roti sekeping jek,kunun nak diet,then tetiba petang,someone ordered Pizza Hut pulak,and I had 2 pieces of it!! Darn..but alhamdulillah la kan,murah rezeki da orang treat me..

Yesterday night,I slept quite late,tunggu phone call someone related to my work..cheh,kul 1.30am pon keja lagie tuh..But kyra I dah tidokan at 10pm...Senang aja nak tidurkan dia..bukak youtube Surah Al Mulk,tepuk2 dia,tidurla dia..Then bila dah siap keja,I looked at her,lama jugak...I realise how much I loved her..Its not that I tak sedar selama nie,but that particular moment rasa melancholic sangat..Mula la rasa guilty I didn't spend much time with her as she's growing up,kan..

Apa kan daya,I need to work,and lepas nie nak start class dah..All this for her future jugak...Kalau boleh I nak macam dulu,I spend so much time with her,not memang sangat limited..But like last week,I memang spend my weekends dengan dia,we went bowling with my brothers,dine out,brought her to tutti frutti,then even bought her barbie dress..

Today jumpa dia an hour aja..Eventhough i was so exhausted,I tolak tepi...terus tukar to my nighties,ambik her maths book and start tutoring her..Alhamdulillah,she's a fast learner..Homework dia semua dah buat..Even when I left her during lunch,dia dah siap solat zohor and doa for her dad sekali lepas solat..I'm so thankful that Allah grant her to me...Such a lovely daughter...

I never knew what responsibilities are all this while,sampaila I got her..I don't know how to love,sampaila I got her...I wished she turn up to be someone that her dad is proud of.Insya Allah...She's been putting her pocket money aside for weeks now.She asked me how much is the fees for college..I said if its UK,then its 50k per year..Dia terkejut..Its ok my dear baby,Mummy got everything planned for your future..Nampaknya mama kena put aside all nafsu material la sebab anak mama nak belajar kat Ireland and be a Vet,kan :)

Kyra,I might not spend as much time as I should with you..But I want you to know that I love you so much..you are a gift from Allah to mama and abah..And you represent our love for each other..Mama doakan adik jadi anak yang berguna...and your dad will be smiling looking at you from above :)

I can never imagine and believe that I can love somebody this much...and for that,I thank Allah,alhamdulillah..for the greatest gift you have given me...Please Allah Al-Mighty,berkatilah cahayamataku,terangkan hatinya,lembutkan hatinya dan jadikanlah dia anak yang solehah dan hamba yang taat pada perintahMu..Amin..

Do you know how much you mean to me?
As you grow into what you will be.
You came from within, from just beneath my heart
it's there you'll always be though your own life will now start.
You're growing so fast it sends me awhirl, 
With misty eyes I ask, Where's my little girl?
I know sometimes to you I seem harsh and so unfair, 
But one day you will see, I taught you well because I care.
The next few years will so quickly fly, 
With laughter and joy, mixed with a few tears to cry.
As you begin your growth to womanhood, this fact you must know, 
You'll always be my source of pride, no matter where you go.
You must stand up tall and proud, within you feel no fear, 
For all you dreams and goals, sit before you very near.
With god's love in your heart and the world by its tail, 
You'll always be my winner, and victory will prevail.
For you this poem was written, with help from above, 
To tell you in a rhythm of your Mother's heartfelt Love!