assalamualaikum my dear readers....Today mark our 11th Anniversary..if he was here..:( I've cried since last Saturday actually,kesian biras saya yang kena dengar kan?Thank you,Ayu,for always be there,when I needed you...Hope kau jangan serik dengan aku eeaa??
Demm I felt bad....The most awkward part was a year ago,me and him,we celebrated our 10th Anniversary together and our initial plan was to celebrate our 11th Anniversary in Paris this year...Kita manusia hanya mampu merancang,kan..Tapi Tuhan jua yang menentukan..He was called menghadap Ilahi just almost 2 months after we celebrated our 10th Anniversary...
Jangan tanya how I felt..Sebab the pain is beyond pain already...Sakit tu dah tak tertanggung..Pedih tu tak terungkapkan....My best friend,my lover..my husband...segalanya dia...seorang lelaki yang mencintai sepenuh hati....yang mengajar aku erti kehidupan..erti cinta sejati..susah senang bersama...yang meyakinkan aku bahawa cinta sejati itu sebenarnya wujud....:(
My 1st love...and definitely my last....Today I wanna share with you all his last note which I found in FB..He wrote it back in 2008...Happy 11th Anniversary,Sayang..Meen sayang gila kat abang..Abang jangan lupa jenguk Meen and Kyrana bila abang rindu yer..:( If only you know how hurt it is to even wake up everyday thinking that you were gone..........Tears are just uncountable...I pray that we will be together forever...one day,sayang..I love you...with all my heart....
angel of mine...my angel of mercy!
by Rahiman Bin Rahim on Sunday, 19 October 2008 at 20:04
there was this time - to some it will arrive sooner than expected.no such thing as 'warning'. no room for preps.no exception.no mercy.and no guarantee that every man will sail thru successfully.to me,before i could even blinked...recently!
no exact word to describe.no previous experience to compare.no examples.
then,there'll be no one who'd understand.no human being on this planet seems confideable.no 'sifu' to guide.because there's no word to describe.no experience.no examples.and you'd decide not to break the silence.but then,even the wisdom of silence betrays you.sudden and complete loneliness.empty and darkened rooms everywhere.sharp and cold, of the coldest winter.bliss torture,torment and true agony...
then,the air became too thick to breathe.the eyes burnt on your way down to the deepest,darkest place within,where you 're suppose to loose yourself.you'd want to just stop there, or even before.you know there's already this jagged edge that would fail and bury you deeper everytime you fall.again and again and everytime again,this evil laughter of hatred and sarcasm repeatedly and killingly provoked you.
and yes, you'd try and try to reach and gasp for clean air,but the more and harder you inhale,your lungs sickeningly clogged and you'd try to exhale to clear the poison,but it'll shoot-up your brain and it slowly melted and felt like flowing down and out your ears. your burnt and blinded eyes felt like popping out.long moments ago, you're already on your bleeding knees...scratching the ground around you with your rottening fingers, your nails falling painfully...
you'd come very, very close to forgetting hope. you just want to fall asleep or just drift away...willing to be forgotten...and to be damned...!!
what,then?when everything seems lost.you are cut,very deeply and bleeding hell,but still you prayed,you cried,you begged,you screamed - you'd even die so you just can feel the crushing pain,because this is just beyond pain.......
and suddenly you felt this soft,silky smooth,healing hands...that pulled you up and comfortly whispered that you woudn't be falling no more and promised and sweared to be with you all the way - no rooms for even shadows of betrayal.and all wounds will heal.all dark clouds blown away.ray of lights, cured your blindness and your eyes teared with joy...the surrounding air cleared and you can almost smell the green of grass,the garden of eden...
then you'll hear this heavenly whisper again,softly asking you to breathe and to feel alive and you'll suddenly feel these little pieces of you coming back together, the forgotten strength that you used to have,even barely enough,pulsating again...and you feel your heartbeat again...
and you know,you believe that you can hold on to those hands and those hands will just take you fly and touch the seventh sky,thru the gates of heavenly paradise...
but what matters mostly, the human feeling that your feet is on the ground,there's this part of life called 'joy' and there's always someone there beside you that you can turn to, lend a shoulder to cry on to and just simply be a true friend and that she'd always and always be there for you,rise or fall,rich or poor....till death do you part...
for that and for what i am, i couldnt be thankful enough...
and for that and for what i am,i thank you - isteriku tersayang...Happy Anniversary.i love you, my angel of mercy!
