Am I Normal?

assalamualaikum...I got up every hour last night..It was horrible..it was painful getting up every hour and realizing that he is not around anymore.I kept thinking how to move on..how to manage Kyra,how to manage my life....

I can see everybody else has moved on from his death...Except some....except me and Kyra..i was asking Kyra whether she would like to stay in UK or Malaysia.She said she loves Malaysia but she didn't wanna leave her abah alone in uk(his remaining).that saddened me.She asked me whether we could take half of her abah's body and bury it in Malaysia?

Time supposed to heal all wounds..But why does it feel harder and worse or me?Am I normal?I know I'm still in denial...I'm still in shock..i don't know whether what I'm experiencing is normal or not.I still can't believe He was gone....forever....

I you ask me what I wanna do now,I would say,just lie down,not doing anything till i see him again..But deep inside I know how bad he wanted me to finish my studies..Its one of his amanat..I tak sampai hati...Walaupun I don't know whether i have the strength or not..I'm contemplating whether to go on with my studies or not.kalau ikut hati,I wanna give up on everything...not wanting to see anyone,talk to anyone,just be in my cave..and grieve..But I know I cant,I have Kyra and she told me yesterday that i'm not fun anymore..That hurts me..so much..How can I be fun..ever again???

Abang,I wished that you're here..comforting me..telling me that everything is gonna be ok..telling me that you're gonna always be by my side no matter what...today marked 24th day of his passing...and its not getting easier on me...Abang,I love you so very much..and I miss you terribly!