Firstly,please let me thank you and welcome to my new readers.Words cant express how pleased I am with the positive comments I got from you eventho just di alam maya.I appreciate your friendship walaupun tak pernah bersua muka..Blog2 you all lah yang menjadi peneman di kala sunyi..:)
I started blogging because I realized that I need to keep track on what happened in my life.But the main reason is I cant find anybody I can trust other than my husband to express what I feel..For me,writing is one way I released my tension and stress..I'm a very transparent person,I do not blog about happy things all the time..When I feel sad,you will know it and when I'm happy,you will know it too..As a human, life is not a fairy tale all the time.There are ups and down..and I choose to write both..which i think will prove that I'm alive..hahahah..
Like i told you before,I was trying my best to stay positive about my job..live in with clients and not sleeping on my comfort pillow at home for a week..I tried to channel my sadness away..But today i fail..I broke down and cried..yes I did..and I'm not ashamed of it..I felt so down today..I donno why..got this mixed feelings inside of me..I felt sad,guilty,tired...felt like giving up..I didn't know why I do this at the 1st place..i don't wanna be away from my other half and daughter..I hate the fact that my husband had to send me food and manage everything in the house.I hate the fact that I spend half an hour with my daughter everyday..i hate the fact that she's growing up and I'm scared I miss that part.I want to be there when she needs me.I want to do fun things with both of them..i hate the fact that she cant see me when she wakes up every morning,,It breaks my heart when she text ed me asking "mama,bila mama nak balik?..It just breaks my heart and I lost....My defends just break down..and i cried..cried like a baby...I wanna be with them so badly..Buka puasa sama-sama..tarawikh sama-sama....but I cant..I choose this path...I'm the one who made the decision to move here..migrate here..Now both me and my husband had to work hard...How I wished that we can spend more time together..not have to worry about money...
(pix googled)
The most important thing for me is my family...and because of that i do this live-in job..But sometimes..somehow I failed to convinced myself to be strong for them..like today...My husband said that insya Allah after i graduated we'll be better off..I tried so hard to convince myself..Hopefully I will be better tomorrow...
I'm so sorry you guys have to read this..Somehow I felt so relieved after expressing it here..:) Enuff of all this sadness..For Buka Puasa today I cooked something new,which i never tried before..I masak Mee Bandung today..1st timer so forgive my messiness,yeah..Alhamdulillah,rasa tak mengecewakan..I alter2..combine dengan recipe Mee Udang...Hopefully i didnt make anyone salivating,yeah...Happy fasting everyone..:)
8 ulasan:
Sabarlah dear...nak buat macamana..
..jangan sedey2 bulan ramadhan ni..pejam celik pejam celik it will be over already..
...and you really make me salivating! I am droolig ni..love mee udang!
meen, dont worry dear, i know that u r a strong woman, jusr like ur mum. its ok, kalau kadang2 kita rasa lemah sangat sebab kita (read woman) bukan superwoman. :) dont push diri so hard. kalau u rasa kerja tu dah lebih apa yang u mampu then maybe u should consider another plan. and dear, for me, family is everything. :) take care yeaa..
Meen,
sedih pulak baca ur entry ni..tapi sabar banyak2 ye, insyaAllah tak lama lagi you all be 2gether again.
yup, memang kecur liur tengok mee tu..haha..nasib baik dah ada plan nak masak apa today..hehe..
on ur blogging style, I'm d type yg quite secretive on my personal feelings..byk simpan dlm hati, tak pandai lah nak luah2..malu...
:-)
TK-tulah,adoilah Bulan Ramdhan pulak yang banyak dugaan..try my best to be stronger..Babe..kalau rajin tryla,I pulak tak tempek recipe..malas punya pasal..Its just 20 mins dear..I nie memang tak larat lepak dapor lama2..pening..:P
Hider-TQ babe..all this while rajin visit my blog,appreciate sangat..Yeah,for me family is my 1st priority..tapi dah janji dengan Kyra nak bawak dia jalan Disneyland paris,tuh yang tahan jugak sebu dalam hati nie..:(
Cheqna-berat mata memandang,berat lagi bahu yang memikut..chewahh..gaya macam tak jumpa 3 bulan aja,kan..dear,tryla the recipe..dah letak atas kuali,murtabak tuh,tekan pelan2 bagi dia padat...:)
meen dear sabar k - it is ok to cry then you bangun balik k - your are very lucky coz hubby dont mind and tak stop you - but u keje still sebab you nak tolong build up yr family - meen hidup kat mesia tak senang - xpa you collect byk2 duit k nanti esok2 you balik semua da ada saving pun byk be strong and be thankful to Allah because hubby you baik jaga rumah jaga anak n htr food - be thankful for what we have not be sad of what we dont have insyaAllah time will be with you again ok ** hug** be strong be strong semua angan angan u kat atas sana akan tercapai insyaAllah nanti da dapat beg hermes i pulak nak kirim heheh tak tau la i ada duit tak masa tu - take care
Ermayum-thank you so much dear for the kata-kata semangat,am feeling better today,maybe sebab dah let it out,kan...Sometimes i can be strong and sometimes I'm jello inside..Satarting life kat negara orang means I have to start from scratch balik..but I syukur pasal i ada kerja..with a good pay eventho masa tak menentu..insy Allah dear all my dreams will come true..Hope you pon sama..Hugs...
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