Hurt and Forgiveness..

Salam Monday dear readers..Thank you for your concern,alhamdulillah I'm gettin better and syukur that I'm ok now..:) I'm so touched with all the warm wishes..Today I choose to talk about being hurt and forgiveness..I'm sure that everyone of us..at some point of our lives,know what its like to be hurt.Its not a very wonderful feelings,huh? Some were hurt by friends,colleagues,families or even spouses. And us being a normal human-being pun maybe secara sengaja or not maybe pernah hurt someone in our life..

How do you deal with the broken heart?I'm sure yang dah kahwin tuh mesti pernah at least once terluka dengan perlakuan or perkataan pasangan masing-masing,kan? Being a Taurean, its not easy for me to just kiss and forget..pendendam woh taurean nih..haru sungguh..I've been hurt once or twice or maybe more in our 10 years marriage..But nothing serious..Biasalah,sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit,kan..I pon pernah jugak sakitkan hati my husband..especially masa pms..huhuhu..So today I wanna share some tips on how to forgive..especially after you've been hurt :-             

(pics google)

Forgiveness is a choice-means you can decide whether or not to forgive someone. The operative word here is, choice! Having choice allows us a sense of freedom. This may give us a feeling of control over our emotions, over our situation, and in some cases over the outcome. When we forget that we have a choice we leave ourselves open to feeling trapped which in some cases can lead to depression.

The issue of control--Generally, there is very little in life that we have control over. Many times, control is an illusion. People like to think they have control because it can make them feel safe. We attempt to control things in life to create security. Most of us do the best we can, but regardless things can happen that are beyond our control. This is also true of the people we love.

Forgiveness can't be bargained--Unconditional forgiveness means that we have come to accept the other person, their choice and the outcome without exception. Frequently there is a large gap between wanting to forgive someone and acceptance. Most people think of forgiveness as "black and white;" either you forgive me or you don't. Sometimes it isn't that simple, and the situation doesn't call for either/or.

Forgiveness is a process--Initially we may feel that pull between what we think logically, and what we feel emotionally! We can be split and say to ourselves, "I want to forgive him, but..."--or "I still love her, but I am so mad at her!" Next, we may go through the motions of saying the words, but not really feeling that we forgive.

Working through the anger--Recognizing that we are angry is an important step because it allows us to have a choice in the matter. Understanding our anger can open the door for communication and bring us toward intimacy. We need to ask ourselves if the anger is valid? We also need to decide whether the anger is reasonable and whether or not it is appropriate. Asking yourself what do you want to do about it, can help focus the anger so that we can motivate ourselves to make healthy choices. Using the anger for revenge is never acceptable!

Expectations of change--Forgiving someone because you expect them to change doesn't work. It is a set up for you and for them! On occasion, the person may decide to change, but that it their choice. You can't control their choice! Forgiving, just because you want them to change isn't really forgiveness, it is manipulation. The end result will be resentment for both parties.

Sources-www.ehow.com

I'm not sure if ada some of you yang pernah go thru a cheating husband..I can't imagine how it must feel..I syukur that I belum pernah go thru that kinda experience and I pray that I never will...I can't comment on forgiving a cheating husband as if I'm in your shoes pon its gonna be really hard for me to forgive and forget..takat terasa hati sikit2 ada lah...

As an imperfect human-beings,I do hurt some important people in my life..which I regret so much..i'm trying so hard to become a better person..but along the way,I've made some big silly mistakes,thus,hurt some people in my life. I'm hoping there's still space for forgiveness for me..But i do believe,apa yang berlaku,ada hikmahnya..And tuhan ada sebab kenapa Dia menjadikan sesuatu..If we believe in qada' and Qadar,insya Allah dunia ini akan lebih sempurna..

So friends,lets forgive and forget..sempena bulan baik dan syawal yang bakal menjelma..Happy Workin peeps..Owh,I sahur dengan quaker oat aja tadi..tryin to cut off some more weight..Pray for me!