Demm Hurt lahhh

assalamualaikum my babes semua...Hope everything is well and semua sure dah start excited nak buat raya preparation kan..To be frank,ntah,I just couldn't be bothered kot..More to Kyra..Dah beli hers 2 pasang..then nak beli caftan kot 1 more kat dia..I?Maybe last minit bila dah terpaksa..I sambarlah mana-mana..just to be considered as 'baju raya' kan..

I don't know how to tell u this...I had to see his death cert yesterday to settled his stuffs kan..banyak jugak benda dokumen itu ini pasal his death yang still pending..Yes,its all because of me..I delayed it sebab I don't wanna fill the form..I don't wanna write his name..don't wanna remember his IC number..Gila 8 bulan haku taknak tengok death cert dia tuh..Then tonight..gather my strength....dengan lafaz Bismillah haku pon selakla death cert dia.

Just like I predicted..tengok aja cause of death,haku dah mengongoi..Gila aih,takleh tahan pedih nie...sakitnya dada..rasa macam orang robek-robek hati I nie...Then I realise my signature macam siott..Memang time sign tuh I ingat lagi yang my mind was somewhere else and for a second,I just forgot how my signature look like..Gila lah trauma hari nak sign death cert tuh..

Memang sadis sebab dari Registrar Office uk tuh,I cried like hell till my house...berduala dengan Kyra menangis dalam keta tuh..nasib haku tak masuk parit ke haper..dah kepala dah takleh nak concentrate kan..hadoila..

Benda dah takleh avoid kan...nama anak I bin kan dia jugak..memang malas rasa bila kena tulis nama dia..Bukan malas benci ke menyampah..malas pedih..malas sayu..malas hurt..I was trying so hard to move on...Surat-surat cinta dia 13 tahun lepas I tak baca dah..Bukan sebab nak lupakan dia..sebab nak jaga hati I and Kyra..Kalau I start reading memang 3 hari 3 malam la mata bengkak...

Sorryla korang pulak kena dengar luahan hati berulam jantung I kan..I'm hoping that Allah wll give me sinar baru..so that one day,I eventually can move on jugak...Tapi itulah..it left the deepest scar in my heart..yang tu sampai bila pon takkan boleh heal..

Sayang,I miss you so much..Bila nie I nak jumpa you..So many things I wanna tell you..:(

I missed hugging you.....I missed your smell..I missed your cooking..:( Mesti you missed me sebab I missed you gila2...Kadang-kadang I terpaksa buat-buat tak pikir pasal you to divert my mind..taknak sedih..but the truth is..you've been in my mind and heart like 24-7..

"Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss."