assalamualaikum...I don't know whether its normal or not that I experience sleeping disorder.I'm tired as I can't sleep at night...kalau boleh pun just around 1,2 hours..then terjaga and terus solat subuh..I'm sooo tired...Thus,I tend to get a nap in the morning..My body felt soo weak..I felt so demotivated..
I haven't cry for almost 2,3 days now...which I don't know why.I guess I cried too much last week till my tears dried up..I still feel that sharp pain in my heart,the disappointment,the hurt..However,there's no more tears going out.I hated this feeling as I'd rather cry than not crying.Not crying hurt me even more...at least crying makes me tired,thus,I can try to get some sleep..
I still miss him..every seconds...I wanna be with him..every minutes..But I can't.I had to be strong..eventho I'm so fragile inside..Kyra deals with her dad's death better than me..I had to blocked my mind most of the time in order to live a normal life.I don't think I'm gonna have a normal life like I did before...My life will change 360 degrees after this.Gonna have to send and pick Kyra to school now,gonna have to pack her lunch box.All this while,my husband did all of that as I'm busy getting ready for class..I will miss his sense of humour..I will miss his tender care.I still sit on his lap before he goes to work..Now I'm gonna have to cut my own nails..all this while,he cut it for me..for 10 years..I'm gonna have to comb my own hair,ironed my own hair now,as he's no longer around...physically..:(
I'm so tired...tired of being sad,tired of missing him..nak mintak hari kiamat cepat2 pon,my amalan tak berapa nak cukup..:(.I know his roh is still here with us..and I don't want him to be sad seeing me crying all the time.I better stop now...I don't even know what to write anymore...I had to accept that no matter how hard I cry,he will not come back..
My love,semoga dikau tenang di sana..I sayang you..I sayang you sangat...tapi I tak mampu nak buat apa-apa sebab semua ni dah termaktub untuk kita..Kalau I boleh ganti you,I would...but i can't...Maafkan I...
2 ulasan:
i wish i could do something to calm u meen, but i dont know how.. pls take care.. HUGS
Assalamualaikum,
Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun. Alfatihah kepada arwah suami Meen.
Takziah diatas kematiannya. Saya sangat2 terkejut dan sedih dgn berita ini. Diharap Meen akan sentiasa sabar & tabah menghadapi dugaan yg sangat berat ini. Hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul. Kuatkan imanmu, bacalah Alfatihah selalu apabila teringat dia. Losing someone u love is never easy,how i know that from personal experience, the pain never really goes away even though its been years. But you have to be strong. Only recently my niece lost her husband, he was 38. She has 4 children, the youngest is 3. Your husband's death brings to mind of her loss & grief.
Dear Meen, I hope you be patient with this test. Only Allah knows, only Allah knows.
Alfatihah.
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