I want nobody but you.....

assalamualaikum..Happy Monday to all...I was supposed to sleep nie..I had terrible sore throat,the full package,fever,cold,cough,headache...sakit jiwa lagi..:P I so need to go to work today..but...I was advised not to..so,after taking my meds,I tried to get some sleep..but I guess I cant...

I don't know how I got so sick...maybe I'm too exhausted..or the weather change...Tapi malas nak fikirla..The most logic reason is,its Him up there who decides siapa yang sakit and siapa yang sihat,kan...But,I so wish my other half would be with me..holding me close, feed me and give me medicine bila sakit..1st time sakit,I'm alone...and Kyra is at school..:(

Owh,now I remembered why I got so sick at the 1st place..we were driving the other day and Kyra found like a scrap book..It was his...Full of poems that he wrote for me 11 years ago,before we got married...I was so excited...I read..and read..and its all coming back to me now...The hurt,the pain,the memories..like a flashback..I was hurt,never once pon I recover since his passing..I'm hurt everyday,I'm in pain everyday..But seeing his handwriting,reading his poems..just hurt me so very much..:(

I was so sick last night,fever and headache...then I started to cry....like a baby...when I read 1 line of his poem.."Sebenarnya dirimu teramat kucintai,kurindui,hanya Allah yang tahu tentang sebenar-benarnya"....I just can't bear the pain..Kyra was asleep at that time..and I cried..cried..and cried..like nobody's business...I wanted to ask him why did he leave me..But I know that I tak layak..Kita semua milik Allah..tiba masanya He will take us back...But the thing is..I'm not ready..not ready to loose him..its too soon...I still need him..belum puas bersama dia,I wanna create lotsa memories with him..I wanna grow old with him..I wanna ride motorcycle with him, I wanna sleep on his arm...I wanna pick his shirt..I wanna kiss his warm lips...not cold lips...:(

I'm in so much pain right now...so much misery....never I imagined..that there would be someone who would love me that much...and what made me more sick is he wrote

"Tuhanku,kau siksalah aku,kau ujilah aku,kau parahkanlah lagi lukaku,asalkan bahagia itu milik dia"

Ok,this is too much to bear,I'm back to square one again....and I HATE this feelings so much!

P/S:Me and Him already picked 3 names for our children before we got married 12 years ago..Looks like its just Kyra then..:(

I want nobody but YOU..I miss you like crazy!