assalamualaikum..
A very sad Friday for me.....Awal-awal pagi lagi dah sadis....Woke up for my subuh prayer..then after baca quran sikit,dozed off again....For around 1 hour..Its not that i overslept ke apa..but what happened in that intense 1 hour....
I dreamt of him!!! After almost a year! selama ni,selalu doa agar dia muncul dalam mimpi ni supaya hilang segala luka..terubat sedikit rindu dan sepi ni...Namun,tak sekali pun dia muncul....And I started thinking that maybe he was mad at me..coz I tried to move on....arrghh..air mata nie memang tak dapat ditahan-tahan lagi...:( :( :(
I used to play the video cam again and again so that I could hear his voice..just to feel him...just to hurt myself..I thought it would cure the pain..maybe for a little bit..But it doesn't..All this while,I regret that I never asked him to record his voice in my phone..so that when I missed him,I could listen to it again and again...:(
The dream I had after Subuh this morning was that we went somewhere and I was holding my Nokia phone,thinking that this time I should ask him to record his voice..just in case he leave me again..sadis kan..I don't really remember what we did in the dream but we do hold hands and we did go to somewhere yang bukan in Malaysia..I think its in UK...
When I got up,I felt this sharp pain in my heart...Felt like someone stabbed me there..again and again...and I bleed...and bleed....
Then,I got hurt...and the pain was greater than it was before..and here I am..hurt.....and I'm back to square one..Al-mighty..please....have mercy on me and his soul...grant me some patience so that I could at least..LIVE.....:(
2 ulasan:
baca entry u rasa mcm nak menitis air mata. apa lagi yg patut diucap selain dari sabar & bykkan berdoa utk arwah. Sgt senang utk diucap oleh org yg tak mengalaminya tapi tidak semudah itu utk u meen...Whatever it is for once again, be strong & redha my dear friend..
Sis,
Maybe sebab tu Allah tak izinkan you kerap mimpikan your late husband. Because He knows that its gonna cut you even deeper, rather than heals your rindu. Allah knows best. Take care sis. You are stronger than you think you are. The fact that you can even write about this, shows how strong you are. Jaga diri baik2 ok.
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